On Friendship

“No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other’s worth.” – Robert Southey

Have you ever thought about what the word “friendship” means to you? What, exactly, constitutes friendship? Webster’s dictionary defines a friend as someone who is “known well to another and regarded with liking, affection, and loyalty.” It further states that a friend is “an ally in a fight or cause; a supporter.” I don’t know about you, but those words seem so inadequate when trying to describe how I feel about the group of women I just spent the past weekend with. There were eleven of us, total. (Although that was only part of the group that wished they could be there. Several more were stuck at home.) Our group included women from New York, Florida, Minnesota, Connecticut, Iowa, California, Tennessee and Canada. We have all known each other for years. The kicker? For many of us, this past weekend in Florida was the first time we had ever met.

Many years ago, America Online had message boards: places where you could go and communicate with people on specific topics. Not a chat room, exactly, because it wasn’t “live.” There were groups for animal lovers, scrapbookers, parents of multiples, gay people – you name it, there was a message board group for it. I’m not sure how I stumbled on this particular group. But the board was titled Stay at Home vs. Working Moms. The format was a debate board, and some of the posts were pretty adversarial. I decided one day to stick my toe in the water and opine. I was very quickly (and not very politely) asked to back up my opinion – I can’t even remember now what it was – and elaborate on the few sentences I had worked up the nerve to type. I remember thinking at the time what a bunch of opinionated, bossy bitches these women were. But, the next day, there I was again. Reading. Learning. Joining in. I was required to articulate my opinion – which, in turn, forced me to really think about what that opinion was. These women were well-educated, smart, and so witty that I often found myself giggling hysterically in front of my computer. (Which, at the time, was a huge, clunky, desk top unit. This was 2001, after all.) Since that first post eleven years ago, the knowledge I have gained from this group is incredible.

Some “posters” on that debate board came and went, but there was a core group that hung around. We all went through periods where we posted less frequently – life has a way of getting in the way sometimes. But, until the board was finally shut down for good a few years ago, we could always find each other there. Then, along came Facebook. We all reconnected and formed our own “private” group. There are a little over thirty of us in the group. And that group ended up being the beginning of what has developed into friendships with some of the most extraordinary women I’ve ever known. We began to share things about ourselves more openly. The knowledge that it was just us – no lurkers out there in cyberspace – gave us the freedom to really talk. To really open up and share without fear of some crazy person stalking us or doing weird things with our family photos. Over the course of the past several years – but, especially the past few - we have formed a bond that some people would find odd. We come from so many different walks of life: stay-at-home mothers, teachers, lawyers, writers. Some Republican, some Democrat – but most somewhere in between. We are people who, in our day-to-day lives, would probably never cross paths. I’m pretty sure that I – the Harley-riding, gun-toting probation officer – would not have the opportunity to form a friendship with a church secretary or a high-level financial analyst. But all of those external things don’t matter in this group. What does matter is our loyalty and sincere devotion to one another. We have seen each other through the roller coaster that is life: illnesses, divorces, marriages, remarriages, and deaths. The level of support and love I, personally, received after my son died surpasses anything I’ve ever imagined was possible. A group of remarkable women who live thousands of miles away from me managed to give me more support and friendship than most of the people I see every day.

After the absolute success of this past weekend get-together, we have decided it needs to be a regular thing. There was no awkwardness or discomfort. It truly did feel like a bunch of long-time friends getting together for a few days of relaxation. Everyone is just as articulate and intelligent and funny in person as they are online. I came away from the experience feeling empowered and loved. These beautiful women managed to make me feel completely accepted. I hope I did the same for them.

In a 2002 study at UCLA, researchers studied female friendships and the effect those relationships have on our lives. They found that our emotional and physical health improve when we have close female friends. According to the study, ”Women are a source of strength to each other. We nurture one another. And we need to have unpressured space in which we can do the special kind of talk that women do when they’re with other women. It’s a very healing experience.” Well, this is not surprising to me. I have just spent four days “healing” with ten of my closest friends!

This week’s pictures are from my trip to Florida. The days that I haven’t managed to take a picture, I’ve filled in with ones taken on my trip. I hope you enjoy them!

01-09-12: Jumping rope in the parking lot, waiting for Dad. I'm still trying to master action shots!

01-10-12: Grandma's (my mom's) 69th birthday dinner.

01-11-12: This was actually taken in Florida...but I didn't have a pic for this day. I was too busy packing!

01-12-12: Leaving Los Angeles! Florida, here I come!

01-13-12: My first time touching the Gulf Coast water!

01-14-12: This was the first time I've seen an alligator not at the zoo! I thought this little dude was cute, with his snaggle teeth.

01-15-12: This was Bowman's Beach on Sanibel Island. The amount of shells just lying there on the beach was amazing to me. We don't have many shells in Southern California!

01-16-12: I took this in the butterfly house at the Naples Botanical Gardens. Love the colors!

01-17-12: Another pic from the Naples Botanical Gardens. I thought this was a really cute idea for old purses! Quirky and artsy!

01-18-12: I think this is my favorite butterfly picture - yellow is my favorite color!

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